CAPTIVATING

Ladies everywhere NEED to read "Captivating"!

The following is part of an email letter I wrote to my pastor's wife concerning a book she recommended and, actually, gave to me. I wanted her to know how this book was impacting my life...and now I want to share the same with all of you--especially any women who may be reading. I would venture to say no other book in my 25 years has so gripped in my soul and has caused me to understand and love my Savior better than Joh & Staci Eldredge's book "Captivating". This is self-explanatory in the letter, but I hope it encourages you to pink up the book. :) -T

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....Speaking of good books, the main reason I am writing you is because I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful fellowship gifts--especially Captivating. I didn't open it up right away. I was in the middle of a couple other reads, and it got shuffled to the side. As I was packing for our most recent trip to Charlotte, I decided to bring it along. Without any real idea of where this book might take me, other than the premise you stated to me, I began to read. And I couldn't put it down! At first I had it in mind to write in the journal with each chapter. Then I realized it would be a hindrance, and so I decided to read the book straight through, and then I am going to go through it again, more slowly and accompanied by the journal. I am going to have to read it again.

Only now do I understand what you were talking about when you said that the book was challenging and convicting in unexpected areas. I thought that perhaps it was different from other books for women, but that soon enough it would begin to drift over into what I've already heard, what I've already read. The book I read just prior to Captivating did just that. I am almost 3/4 of the way through, and it hasn't yet.

I've cried through the entire thing. Some tears stemmed from deep conviction, others from recalling God's promises, and still others (and probably the most profound tears) came when I realized how timely God is guiding me through this book. I have been reading a chapter here and there, but except at the beginning when I was devouring the message, I have not been able to read too much at a time. And I KNOW that is God. It was God who spurred me to begin reading at the first chapter, and it is God who is providing me with exactly the right words I need to hear when my heart and my spirit need to hear them most.

Tammy, God is drawing me to His Word by this book. I have never in my life been more hungry to pour into the Scriptures and hide them within me as I am now. I have never been more prone to cry out to God moment after moment, time and again during the day as I have recently. And yet the book isn't one-sidedly covering God's character and attributes. I am learning new things about God that are making me consider my relationship with Him in a new and brighter light. I am being reminded of certain truths about God while discovering new angles of meaning and application. Most of all, I am being thrown into greater depths of dependence on God, as if I am getting to know Him for the first time.

Now, by saying all this I don't imply for a minute that life is easier having received these enlightenments. On the contrary, I am feeling more and more broken and helpless, less self-assured and more aware of His presence and grace in the everyday situations of life. Before the book my thoughts were constantly analytical and reasoning. I would fight my way past certainly Divinely placed hurdles and bumps in order to achieve what I thought was the right path. Although I too often carry my old nature into each day, my spirit is, for a change, beginning to grow quiet, my hands, daring to lie still. I can't tell you how many times God has proved his presence and work in my life when instead of making myself weary with frustration at one failed attempt after another, I just take a breath and simply look toward heaven. I have never been more assured of His love and involvement in my world because of this mindset. And it overwhelms me.

God is transforming me, and while I certainly didn't initially look to the book for that reason (I probably would have kept it closed if only I knew!); regardless, He has seen fit to do so. It really IS a daily death to self. It ebbs and flows, and to drink of God's resources and gifts is to truly be satisfied. It is humbling to think that He would care enough about one single soul out of millions of his children to lift me up out of myself, through blazing fire and sharpened shears, into a more intimate and personal relationship...with me. Loneliness is fading and contentment is lingering...oh, that I would never dwell other than in His grace!

This has become my greatest hope: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee" (Isaiah 26:3).

Questions

I found myself in this place a lot.

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What is God doing? Where is God going with all of this? Is there a lesson to learn and then move on, or is there something more? Is there a higher significance to be later revealed, and if so, how much longer must I wait?

Regardless, this is different. It is still early to even presume or guess what might be taking place, but if anything, over the last few months I have been able to make further generalizations and distinctions about where I want to go in life. Even more, where I believe God would have me go. Whether I travel the rest of my life alone or with a partner, I am realizing some of the things that I will need for the journey, as well as some things I most certainly do not need.

This is a awkward season of life. A lot of my friends are either married or are contentedly growing in a career and/or ministry. It is true that I am in a ministry, and we all are at all times; but I am not married or even close to it, and I am not yet grounded in a career.

So where am I? I am hoping for more and looking to the future, yet trying my hardest to let God figure all that out. There have been WAY too many times in my life where I have, in my ardent determination and often on whim, went after something I thought I needed. Only then did I find out it wasn't what God wanted, and in hindsight, I realized that, too. Well, I was sick of staring with remorse at hindsight! I didn't and I don't want to learn primarily from mistakes, poor choices, and hasty turns. That is my tendency, and so this denying of my wiring takes work.

However, I am beginning to see some fruit of allowing God to direct my steps. I'm finding how much less stressful and much more peaceful it is to live each day for what it is instead of focusing energy and effort on vain strivings. Doing things that gratify and glorify myself is never satisfying, as I have learned (too many times, it seems), but working only to lift up the name of Jesus within each everyday task, although most likely not as glamorous, is the highest calling of all Creation. But satisfying? My cup runneth over! More than any other time in my life I am beginning to fully grasp and open up all of the gifts of the Spirit that I've neglected for so long while catering to myself. That is because only now do I have time to pick them up and enjoy them.

I'm starting to "get it. There are acres of growth left to tread, but inch by inch I'm finding my way, following the Shepherd and drawing from His goodness and mercy along the journey.

Survival of the Faithful

Church hunting provides interesting experiences, but it gets old FAST!

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I am happy to say I have survived my first experience in a Southern church! Let me just say that Liberty Baptist was a little--ok, a LOT different than what I was anticipating. The website looked great, and the church is independent so I thought it might at least resemble the churches I'm used to back home. All I can say is, it was interesting.

Sunday school was normal. I attended a young adults class of about 6, and the teacher focused on how church bodies and ministry groups can accomplish more for the sake of Christ when they come together and share the same mindset. He also shared how he is going through a difficult and stressful time with work, commenting briefly that he hoped the service turned out to be one where the sermon was overshadowed by the choir, and that church would run past 1:00. His statement caught me a little off guard, but I didn't think much of it, really.

Then the serivce began....

Everybody was friendly. Everybody. The only person I don't think I met personally was the pastor himself. I spoke at length with the pastor's wife, though, and concluded that I liked the bubbly southern welcome and charming accent. She must be mid-40's but she looks like she's no more than 20!

I had read in the church's website that they sang right out of the hymnal, and I was looking forward to that. I have to say, though, there wasn't a song they chose that I was even vaguely familiar with! That is because not only do they sing hymns, but they sing out of the southern hymnal. I'm talking SHAPE-NOTES!!! I was as lost as last year's Easter egg, musically speaking, and for me that's frustrating, since I like to sing out and confidently hit the harmony parts.

I don't know how familiar you are with shape-note singing, but the short of it is that they are typically up-tempo hymns that are most often used in choral singing. Each note has a different shape that coorelates with whichever syllable of "solfege" (do, re, me...) is to be sung. This helps with sight-reading and sight-singing, to distinguish each pitch. The system was initially designed for ameteur singers who might not otherwise read music. Not so much now, but southern communities used to hold "singings" at which they were able to sing these shape-notes with virtually no practice involved.

Apparently Liberty Baptist is one of the few churches still keeping up with that tradition. It's a really fun style of music, but because I've had only minimal exposure to shape-notes, I just couldn't keep up! It is part of a culture still foreign to me. I did enjoy listening to the songs, though. Impressed, actually. A lot of the songs are about Heaven, and it makes sense, then, that the lyrics are joyful and the melody up-tempo and bright. It would be fun to one day learn the shape-note system. I do give the church credit for continuing an old tradition

The songs the choir sung were also right out of the hymnal. They sang three numbers, the third being the Gaither signature, "Because He Lives". Now, I like that song and all, and I realize music can minister to a person's spirit, but I think the choir carried on for about 15 minutes on that one! The first go around, one of the choir members walked down to the alter to pray, and by the end of the third verse, half the congregation had walked the isle crying and hugging each other. I was a little confused. The Word hadn't even been READ yet, much less PREACHED! I was like, ok, I guess they like to mix things up down south.

Once choir finally made their way back to their seats the pastor jumped around the pulpit, screaming and waving his hankie for MAYBE five minutes. Something to do with how we are all priests, but I didn't catch all of it. Meanwhile, people at this church had no inhibitions about standing up and shouting a hearty "Amen!" or "Glory!" or even a spontaneous testimony, like one from an older woman who sounded like she was about to swoon any minute. Some good words were said, but it was just...different. I didn't know how to take it all in.

After the mini-message was the special music. A 20-something guy got up to sing Ivan Parker's version of "My Redeemer Lives", and he really did a good job. The congregation went crazy on the final chorus and tags; you could hardly hear the kid over the shouts and screams! The song ended, and the pastor got back up to the pulpit and said a few more words before asking the singer, Jake, to come sing the song again. About halfway through the song, there went another good chunk of the congregation, down the isle. Some of them were the same people who walked the first time while the choir was singing! I mean, I got the point that Jesus is alive, but I couldn't understand what within these songs was so convicting. Maybe I was missing something...who knows?

After the THIRD go around with the SAME special number, I was ready to pack up and head back to the Cecil's. I had to be back by 1:00 anyway, and it was quickly approaching 12:30. The service ended after the pastor gave a few announcements and a closing prayer was lead by a deacon. I felt kind of bad, but I had to rush out the doors if I was to make it home in time. That's why I never got to talk to the pastor. It was probably better that way, though, because after that I honestly wouldn't have known what to say! I'm truthfully not trying to sound offensive, but I just am not used to services like this.

Bless their hearts....

In other news, I have been back in Great Mills, MD for over a week now. We won't be going back to NC until next month, and then only Chris, the baby, and I will be there and for a whole week. I would hope that Liberty isn't the norm for Baptist churches down there. I'll let you know what I find!

I do have to say that through the experience of visiting different churches I am being humbled. I'll let you know why...

Last Wednesday (the 14th) I visited Putuxent Baptist right here in Great Mills for Bible study. I figure that if I attend services other than just Sunday morning I'll be able to cover more ground and the process of finding a church will commence a lot quicker. On one hand, getting to see different ministries is a unique opportunity and it is a lot of fun to meet new people. On the other, it gets OLD really quick, and at this point I am more than ready to settle in one church so I can then figure out where I might serve.

Putuxent Baptist is a fairly small church (70/morning service) but another extremely friendly congregation. The pastor was away speaking at some college in California, so they had another member speak that night. This church is KJV-only, just like Liberty, but I haven't found any independent churches around there that aren't. Oh well. This church website stated that the pastor had received some schooling from Hyles-Anderson College. I took that as a cue and made sure I was in a skirt--even on Wednesday night! I met and spoke with one woman who was very nice. At one point during our conversation she asked, "You were home-schooled, right?" Unsure of this woman was thinking, I simply said no. She replied with, "Oh. You just seemed like you might have." Hmmm...perhaps I should have gone for the knee-length vs. the floor-length skirt! Would that have made the difference? It was just kind of weird. I mean, how do you take that?

I was convicted during the Bible study/preaching time, although it had nothing to do wiht the actual message. Funny how God can do that! But there I was, sitting alone in this small church auditorium, surrounded by these nice people I had just met. I'll admit, first knowledge of the pastor's educational background left me resistent to visit Putuxent Baptist. Just because of the stereotypes attached to where the Pastor went to college! I let one single fact about one single person influence my judgment of an entire church--weeks before stepping foot inside the building!

Granted, to some degree, my inklings were correct, as far as the ladies wearing dresses and all that, but the judgment in and of itself was wrong because I otherwise knew nothing (and still don't know too much) about this church body's corporate convictions.

I quickly realized that all my effort to research a local church in St. Mary's County was tainted by my personal preferences. I wanted to find a church that measured up to my mental checklist of what I would consider a "good" church. I might as well have started my own church as a congregation of one before stumbling upon such a place of worship! It just doesn't exist, and thank God!

So...as I continued to soak up the speaker's words that night I silently invited the Lord to receive back his rightful role in leading and guiding me to where HE would have me serve this year. I unfortunately found myself with a similar determination three years ago while looking for a church in Boston. In that case, it turned out that the church I disliked the most, based, on first impressions, ended up the greatest blessing and without question the single most highlight of that summer! It is amazing how we find God, so much more acutely aware of ourselves and our needs than we are, is willing to give us the best of gifts IF we are first willing to lay our vain, mediocre desires in surrender to His will. So simple, but so stinkin' hard!

I still don't know what church God wants me in. Yet how many more times must I be humbled before I "get it"? All I know is, as far as church visiting goes, I better follow the leading of Elizabeth Bennett and look more deeply beyond the surface!

Oh, one last thing before I finally send this...I was just recently told of the passing of my next-door neighbor, Shirley Brown. She developed cancer a few months ago, although since I didn't spend as much time at my parents' house this past year, I also didn't see her much. Boy, is that ever a lame excuse. Convicted again! Even when I did live at home I hardly said "boo" to my neighbors--any of them. Why? Laziness, I guess. Once I heard Shirley had cancer I would think about her whenever I stopped home for Sunday dinner, but as far as actually reaching out to her and ministering to her, all the farther I got was a good intention. So once I heard that she had passed away last week I was broken. I wish I had done SOMETHING. I wish I had even simply gone over and helped around the house...talked with her...sat with her--anything. But I didn't, and now it's too late. But at the same time I can't beat myself up about that fact. It's too late, and that's that. The question is, what am I going to do with the people God has brought into my life at present, and in the future? Cancer or no cancer, everybody has needs. The needs might not be obvious, but if you talk to someone long enough, you'll know what they are. Everybody faces problems and struggles every single day. Therefore, there is no excuse for us to keep to ourselves instead of investing in other people. We pray all the time for God to give us opportunities to share our faith. Why don't we instead pray not FOR those opportunities (because they are all around us at all times!) but, rather, to RECOGNIZE those opportunities--even ordinary situations as opportunities--and then pray that we we would ACT upon those opportunities. What, are we really just lazy, or are we afraid of what the Holy Spirit might do? That is total absurdity for anyone who claims a faith in and following of Christ, and I am guilty a million times over.

Revive us, oh God....

Travel Style

Keeping in touch with friends and family definitely helps this place feel more like home. It's funny how people tend to keep in better contact with loved ones while they are away. It's unfortunate that is the case, but often we take our surroundings for granted when we get used to them. Thank goodness for phone plans and email (and blogs!) or there would be a lot of homesick people in this world! I would reason people are more likely to travel in recent years than they used to, just because those conveniences are so much more widespread. I would probably go insane without any contact outside this hick town!

Switching gears...

My mom will give ANY excuse to travel. During my childhood my family took road trips all over the U.S. She's already driven halfway across the country from Minnesota to see me in Maryland, and this very weekend she's driving to Omaha, NE to visit her brother! I'm telling ya, if my mom heard that someone's belly button was on fire down in Podunk, IA she would drop everything and drive down for a picture! :)

I seem to have caught the travel bug as well, although I'm not so much of a "see it all" traveler or a clicking tourist; when I travel, I like to spend more time in the same spot so I get a little taste of what it is like to live there. You know, make contacts with the people, research little-known sites, visit the "Mom & Pop" diner, and skip stones in the pond.... After I've stopped somewhere, I like to more than just be able tell everyone where I've been, I like to take a piece of the people and their culture with me.

The Cecil's extended family is planning a get-together in the Bahamas at the end of November. Can you imagine that? I mean, I can almost picture the invitations for my own extended family: "Nupson Family Fun Time: Thanksgiving picnic on Freeport Beach! BYOL (Bring Your Own Lefsa)!" Uh, yeah. Nice thought. :D Anyway, I'm kind of indifferent about the whole trip. You're thinking, "Yeah right she is!" I am looking forward to it, but I'm not a huge beach person. Heh heh...maybe I will be once winter rolls around! It'll be fun to see what it's like down there, and I'm hoping to find postage not too expensive so I can send at least a few of my Christmas cards from there. Thought that might be kind of unique.

Better get prepared for the little squirt to wake up. Then we're going hiking! It's my new-found favorite activity around here. There are some nice trails through the woods near St. Mary's Lake that we usually take. It's nice because Chris (the mom) comes with Samantha and I so I have some company. She wants to climb one of the mountains in Washington state (not Ranier) with her dad next summer and is starting to train for that. Plus it gives her a break from work as well as provides some good exercise for me. Sammie loves it too, of course!

Reflecting

God places us in specific situations with specific people and for specific seasons, each for a specific purpose or purposes. At times I get frustrated and I'm tempted to give up because I'm not visibly seeing God working in hearts. I'm glad that, despite my past and present failures in this regard, every so often God allows me to catch a glimpse of His power, as He revealed last night. If God is going to use me in this family, and if God is going to use you in your workplace or community, it is going to be in SPITE of me, in SPITE of you. If not, our Christianity that we are trying to peddle is a fake. If all the glory doesn't go to Him, we are wasting our time.

Often God uses us in ways we never thought we could be used. God does use those failures. Also, He often uses the simple, even seemingly mundane things we do or say to make a difference. God uses the good, the bad, and the ugly--He uses it all. Grace is a marvelous thing, isn't it?

Obedience, love, and faithfulness--that's what I'm trying to work on right now. Seeing God's power in action like last night is indeed motivation to keep striving for those things. Yet, I think of all the ways God reveals Himself in the world and in my life that I have not even recognized. Perhaps if I kept a more consistent heavenly mindset I would see them more and be even more greatly encouraged toward the effectiveness of the Holy Spirit in my life. Encouraged to dig deeper, climb higher, and run faster for the sake of Christ.

In this way, I long for greater spiritual eyesight....but perhaps I ought to FIRST long for a more spiritual HEART.

My New Home

Before I got caught up in the Myspace/Facebook phe-nom, I used to send out occasional emails to my family and friends back home in order to stay connected. I had just been to Maryland a month when I reflected on the following:

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For those of you who don't know, I accepted a position to work for a family in Southern Maryland; namely, Great Mills, a tiny town jutting down near the boarder of Virginia. The family also has a home in a suburb of Charlotte, NC, and they travel down for a few days each month. The Cecil's have an 8.5 month-old daughter named Samantha, and they are very nice people.

Southern Maryland depicts a culture that is much different than I have been used to over the past year living in Edina, MN, but so far I am enjoying it. It has been a LOT slower-paced as well, since I only have one child to care for instead of 3 active boys. My pastor's wife said I will probably find time to do some reading and learning, and she was right about that. I also look forward to finally taking my corespondent copywriting class in the near future. A main goal for this year is to pay off my college debt, and from there I have no set plans. For now I am enjoying traveling and gaining new experiences while I still have the prime opportunity to do so.
Here's my update...

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We are in Charlotte still. Just got access to email or would have replied sooner. It's VERY nice down here, a great suburban area on 25-mile long Lake Norman. The water is beautiful, and Samantha likes getting her feet wet.

Went exploring around town today. Drove Mike's BIG red truck. Kinda scary at first, then you get used to it. Turning around and backing up is a little tricky, though, even more-so than the Walker's van. Makes you feel kind of intimidating driving that huge thing. Well, and I probably look a little out of place, being a young girl! LOL

Found the church I'm going to attend tomorrow morning. It's called Liberty Baptist, located in Mooresville, just up Hwy 77 from Cornelius about 8-10 miles. There are Baptist churches figuratively on every corner, which makes it difficult to choose where to go. (Although many are Southern Baptist.) Liberty is KJV-only, but they are independent, and are into the hymns, which I like. Thought it looked like a good one, and I can overlook the KJV quirk. I won't be down here more than one weekend a month anyhow. (Although I think I could live down here forever!)

The job is going well. I'm having a great time getting to know the Cecil family and little Samantha. While I enjoy St. Mary's County and am finding my way around up there, it's been a fun weekend "down south"!

I did meet a handful of 20-something college students who attend St. Mary's College (public, contrary to what I thought), who are a part of the Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship there on campus. They were VERY friendly to me at church, and were sincerely enthusiastic about inviting me to brunch and then a bonfire that night with the Inter-Varsity group. The bonfire was set down the hill from the college campus, actually on the beach and literally right on the water. There was a beautiful sunset. I might have to visit that place again just to find some solitude! There we mingled, and at first it felt a little weird being an "outsider", as in not a student. Yet they were very nice and it great to spend some time with Christians about my age. Refreshing, actually. After dusk one of the students took out his guitar and lead us in worship. We sang some generic praise songs and choruses, a few hymns, and then we about exhausted Chris Tomlin's repetiore of music! That was a BLAST. Kind of reminiscent of my former college days.

Above and beyond the actual bonfire activity, it was really a blessing to have met some friends at church earlier in the morning. I didn't expect to meet friends so quickly, but God provides in His time, not ours. Usually it seems we have to wait for God's time, but this time He meet a need before I even thought to ask! How cool!

Last weekend I got the opportunity to drive around Great Mills and the surrounding towns a little bit. It's gorgeous down there! I got the feeling that it's sort of a mixture between having a northern and southern MN feel to it at the same time! It's very woodsy, yet there is plenty of farmland. Yet the subs aren't too, too far away, which will be nice as well.

Then you have the Potomac River a couple miles to the West, the Putuxent River to the East, and the Chesapeake Bay to meet them even further SE. I tried crab for the first time last week, and it's pretty good! I still have a lot of seafood types to get used to, but I'm sure we'll be having our share of fresh Chesapeake crab!

I just discovered that Cecil's Old Mill is on the map of Maryland! The mill is a historical landmark of the family I will be working for, and is right across the street from the farmhouse where I will be living. I thought that was pretty cool! The farmhouse, in itself, is a museum! The house here in Charlotte is pretty modern, but the place in Great Mills is pretty old with minimal decoration besides what has been there for literally generations. The house was built sometime in the 1870's, and is full of antique photograhphs, portraites, plaques, furniture, books, and other oddities. The attic is FULL of OLD magazines and more antiques, which I am finding fascinating. The most meaningful aspect is that everything has been preserved by the Cecil family.

There is a pretty good sized field in back of the house, where the munchkin (Sammie) and I like to take walks with the baby backpack. There is a pathway through the woods that actually used to be the main road leading to the historic neighboring town a few miles out. After hiking around in the woods the other day I discovered the hard way that there are patches of poison ivy that should have been avoided! I am still itching from that, and am surprised I have any skin left! Oh well, that's part of country life, and I guess I better get used to it!

What is Enough?

Some more ponderings from my former Saturday morning coffee shop retreat.

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The Christian life...the true path of blessing, of hope, of meaning, of satisfaction, of peace, of endurance. It is a journey. So often I drift from that path and then wonder why I feel lost, stressed, forgotten, uncertain, misunderstood. The world's detour is just easier. More self-gratifying. Less of a sacrifice. The road signs are flashy and enticing. I tend to forget how cunningly deceiving is the opposition. Satan uses the same old trick on me that worked on Eve, in order to plant doubt in my heart.

I hear the same lines over and over: "Just give up. It's not worth the effort. You'll never please God. How could He use you? You need to fix "this" and "this" and "this", etc. before you can be happy and find fulfillment. All you are is talk. You are a Peter: possessing the right words without actions to back them. You are a Jonah: intimidated by the job and swept up in a comfort zone. You are King Saul: initially humble, but losing site of the task by spending too much time in front of the mirror." His hammerings are relentless...but sometimes I find some truth to them.

Because I know how God works...because I know of His mercy, grace, love, acceptance, and power, I don't doubt that He can use me if He really wants to.Yet, when we simply allow God to use us instead of mounting stress upon our lives by trying to accomplish His work in our own strength, it is miraculous how much easier and simpler the task. Not in the sense that the Christian walk, ministry, and family becomes a piece of cake. But it is only when we surrender our goals and plans to His, does our burden suddenly seem lighter. We find that promise in the pages of God's Word.

I desperately long to please God, to do great things for Him. However, at times that is all the further I get—just a desire, a casual prayer. God wants me to commit at one hundred percent. I tell Him, "I want to do 'this' for You…but can I still have 'this' in my life? Can I get at least SOME of the credit? Can I put aside my other responsibilities while I do this for you? Can I back out if I find I'm not equipped for the job?"

Talk really is cheap. I say I WANT to teach Sunday School to impact young lives for Christ. I WANT to share the gospel with people I have contact with--such as the people I work for. I WANT to involve myself in foreign missions. I WANT to write songs and poems and other Christian writing for God's use. I WANT to memorize more Scripture. I WANT to minister to those hurting or need of encouragement. I WANT to go calling with my church. I WANT to refresh myself with the biblical doctrines I say I believe in and hold to. I WANT to find a Christian avenue for my musical abilities. I WANT to responsibly prepare myself for my future career/ministry. Etc., etc. etc…….

I could go on forever with all the things I WANT to do. I believe that is just why I find myself plainly overwhelmed sometimes. There are literally a thousand ministries I could become involved with, a million "hats" I could wear in regards to service to the Lord. And yet, all God asks of me is to serve Him where He has placed me with the task He has given me to do at THIS MOMENT.

God might not have me lead someone to the Lord today, but He does want me to mirror His image to others and to be a faithful witness. God might not have me venture off to Africa on a missions trip this summer, but He can place certain missionaries on my heart to consistently pray for. I might not become a well-known Christian writer, but God certainly has called me to use my words and lips to praise Him, even if none of it ever reaches paper or another's eye. It is still praise, even which consists merely of fragmented verse and awkward melody simply scripted within the quiet sanctuary of my heart.

God has given me abundant ministry right where I am, along with the capabilities to complete them well. I just need to realize that since I can't do it all, I must still remember to always be faithful to--by Him--do what I can.

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I have been interested in reading books on new methods of personal evangelism lately, and since that started (a span of about 2 months), God literally has NEVER let a weekend go by without putting someone in my path with whom He prompts me to share my faith. Without fail. Sometimes I feel tired or withdrawn, and I pray, "God, I just don't want to witness right now." But he has a way of working through me despite my attitude. For when a spiritual conversation suddenly happens naturally, you KNOW it is ALL GOD.

So far God has brought people to me in coffee shops. My Saturday morning is typically devoted to preparing my Sunday School lesson for the next day, and each time I talk to someone new. I don't go after it or force people to talk with the intent of witnessing to them, but that's what I mean what I say it is the Holy Spirit that does the work. They just start asking me questions, such as for advice or my opinion on something. I just can't explain it. They always come. And only when I sense the Spirit to go deeper into the gospel message do I. Otherwise, I wait for Him.

I have come to believe that people are more relaxed and vulnerable in places like coffee shops, and now I guess in parking lots! When they get away from the pressures of life and are able to sit by themselves, I have found that they are more apt to ask questions about spiritual things. People are much more concerned about their eternal "destiny", if you will, than we think. It's easy to put on a mask. Our hope, when talking with an unsaved individual, is to attempt to make them feel comfortable enough to take off that mask and bare their scars. It is only then are they ready to hear and receive the Truth.

I am reading a book called, "Permission Evangelism" (by Michael L. Simpson), and its contents are making me greatly understand the importance of loving people, respecting their journies, and being sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I HIGHLY recommend that book, as it will change your view on witnessing to others. God has put this as a burden on my heart, and has only made it grow by allowing me to see some of the fruit of heeding Christ's example. The account from today in the parking lot only furthers my belief in the power of the gospel even more.

If we are but willing to be used by God at a moment's notice--if we seek NOT to convert, but to be perceptive to people's needs, to ask questions, and, ultimately, to submit ourselves to the power and leading of the Spirit--God WILL be faithful, and He WILL use us.

God doesn't always bring people along our paths at the most convenient of times, but the Bible says that we are to "be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is within you with meekness and fear" (I Peter 3:15).

ALWAYS be ready. Because God is ALWAYS ready to work through us.

I never understood when people would tell me that sharing their faith was a joyful thing. That's because it always used to be an insurmountable pressure for me. I felt I was required to do it, and when I didn't take the opportunities God placed before me, I felt guilty.

I'm telling you, it's FREEING to allow GOD to do the work, instead of striving on your own, merely out of duty. In fact, it's downright EXCITING to see God revealing Himself through the power of His Spirit. And I am finding that it is even MORE exciting to get to BE A PART of that process!

It's NOT about sharing the entire plan of salvation to every person you see. It's not about street preaching or handing out tracks. It's about OBEYING THE SPIRIT, whether it means witnessing by our conduct, befriending someone down-in-the dumps and allowing them to share their story before you share yours, or, like today, just being "in the right place, at the right time". It's about being available. It's about being real, transparent, gracious, open, non-judgmental, etc. God has given us various personalities for a reason. While I might not be able to reach the next fellow to come along, you might. It's about being yourself.

And really, it's about being humble.

With God

God was starting to open my eyes this day, which would lead me into new depths. I wrote all of this while sitting in Caribou Coffee, preparing for my Sunday School lesson the next day. I thank God for the times He gave me to sit and reflect during this time in my life. It stretched me in so many ways and, since I usually studied in coffee shops, these experiences also offered me many opportunities to share my faith with others.

*****

It must be a Saturday morning thing. Maybe that's because it's the only time I seem to get by myself to reflect and to plainly THINK. Or maybe I'm so "busy" (a.k.a., preoccupied with catering to my own needs) during the work week that the weekend is the only time I actually get to delve into the truths of Scripture beyond "daily devotionals".

It must be both but, at any rate, this Saturday morning routine has become a necessity…a recharging of my "spiritual battery", so to speak. It is during this time of reading, reflection, and prayer that I renew my commitment toward living each moment as the Bible calls me to live. It is during this time I tend to deeply contemplate my weaknesses, struggles, and failures (which are overwhelmingly numerous), usually in light of the previous week. Then I consider ways I need to change my thinking, decision-making, responses, motives, actions, attitudes, priorities, habits, interactions with others, etc.

It was only when I began to take the time to seriously invest in my weekly Sunday School lessons that I started to realize that the truths I am teaching my students are the very truths I desperately and INITIALLY need to be implementing in my own life BEFORE I begin to even try to challenge anyone else with them. If I want my teaching to be used by God in the lives of others, I have realized that it is I who must first heed the lesson.
And not only does this involve time, but lots of effort and usually a moderate amount of sacrifice of some sort, too. And that's typically not desirable nor easy. But I really believe that to teach, one must first be willing to learn.

Even though I naturally do not think myself to be a super effective teacher, it that is actually an accurate assessment of my abilities in teaching. It's where I NEED to be in my thinking for God's strength to be made perfect in my weakness. I must never reach a place of arrogance, yet I cannot back out of or become lazy in ministry, simply because I don't believe I have what it takes. I don't. But God does!

My Saturday morning reflections have also taken me to evaluate where I am headed and if the situations in which I have chosen to currently place myself are, are proving to encourage me in my present work for God—such as helping to prepare me for the roles God has for me down the road, and allowing my life and testimony to be a lighthouse for the lost in my workplace, and to determine if these situations are a result of wanting to follow God's will and do His work at all.

Do the decisions I make revolve around earthly desires, or heavenly ones? Have the consequences of those decisions affirmed selfish motivations, hopes, and dreams, or affirmed God's divine purposes for my life? Have these consequences proven spiritually maturing in my life, or spiritually depleting? Have I grown as a result of the godly edification, or as a result of mistakes made? Am I actively seeking God's will in the face of decisions, or do my choices reflect hasty decision-making processes based on non-biblical support? Can I truly say that I am allowing God to use my life based not only on His grace, but upon godly decisions I make each day; or, rather, am I merely floating down life's path, trying only to make it through another day? In other words, am I actively SEEKING to glorify God with my life, or am I passively living my life for myself….hoping in vain that I will somehow accomplish great things for God?

These are just SOME of the questions that serve as a type of "spiritual surgery" as I continue to take in spiritual nourishment from God's Word and other biblically-based writings. And, once my cream cheese bagel is devoured, my medium mint condition has increased my heart rate and jump-started my senses, I seem to keep coming to the same conclusions on the above topics—the same answers and identical solutions. And that is simply, to apply what God is revealing to me through His Word on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and to apply it the rest of the week and beyond. Not only that, but to SEEK OUT that same opportunity to JUST AS richly feed on God's Word each time I open it. To give God first priority in ALL of life, not just when it is convenient, as in my typical Saturday morning. I am not guaranteed that time every weekend. So I need to MAKE time for it, while avoiding going through the "Christian" motions to feel I've done my duty for the day. Nobody can trade spending quality time in God's presence for a superficial "checklist" and expect to grow spiritually! That is legalism, and I must not do it!

Instead, I must learn to live as Christ EVERY moment, and to acknowledge His presence in EVERY aspect of my life. I must live for HIM instead of myself and for my comfort. I must learn to die to myself when I MOST want to protest, or compromise my faith, or act on fleshly desires and depend on human reasoning. I must do good, but out of a pure motive to please and honor God, not to lift up or showcase anything in and of myself. And I must strive to fulfill God's purpose for my life—to love Him, love others, to recognize a need and a cry for help even when it is not so evident, to go the extra mile when I am exhausted, to continually perfect my God-given skills and abilities and then actually USE them to turn others to Christ, to be sincere in showing the love of God to others so that it automatically spills from my life instead of just when I feel compelled to share it with others. Etc., etc., etc.

These purposes are often difficult for a heart unyielding to the God's Word and His Spirit, but this is my renewed mission.