Questions

I found myself in this place a lot.

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What is God doing? Where is God going with all of this? Is there a lesson to learn and then move on, or is there something more? Is there a higher significance to be later revealed, and if so, how much longer must I wait?

Regardless, this is different. It is still early to even presume or guess what might be taking place, but if anything, over the last few months I have been able to make further generalizations and distinctions about where I want to go in life. Even more, where I believe God would have me go. Whether I travel the rest of my life alone or with a partner, I am realizing some of the things that I will need for the journey, as well as some things I most certainly do not need.

This is a awkward season of life. A lot of my friends are either married or are contentedly growing in a career and/or ministry. It is true that I am in a ministry, and we all are at all times; but I am not married or even close to it, and I am not yet grounded in a career.

So where am I? I am hoping for more and looking to the future, yet trying my hardest to let God figure all that out. There have been WAY too many times in my life where I have, in my ardent determination and often on whim, went after something I thought I needed. Only then did I find out it wasn't what God wanted, and in hindsight, I realized that, too. Well, I was sick of staring with remorse at hindsight! I didn't and I don't want to learn primarily from mistakes, poor choices, and hasty turns. That is my tendency, and so this denying of my wiring takes work.

However, I am beginning to see some fruit of allowing God to direct my steps. I'm finding how much less stressful and much more peaceful it is to live each day for what it is instead of focusing energy and effort on vain strivings. Doing things that gratify and glorify myself is never satisfying, as I have learned (too many times, it seems), but working only to lift up the name of Jesus within each everyday task, although most likely not as glamorous, is the highest calling of all Creation. But satisfying? My cup runneth over! More than any other time in my life I am beginning to fully grasp and open up all of the gifts of the Spirit that I've neglected for so long while catering to myself. That is because only now do I have time to pick them up and enjoy them.

I'm starting to "get it. There are acres of growth left to tread, but inch by inch I'm finding my way, following the Shepherd and drawing from His goodness and mercy along the journey.