As a married woman, it's sort of fun, now, to read back over stuff I wrote while still playing the "dating game". I saw this guy about 5 times in 2 weeks, and then we mutually parted ways after a horrible date at the bowling alley. It wasn't actually the bowling that did it in (although I was wearing a skirt, in which case I probably looked like a loser - who ever goes bowling in a skirt?!), but by the end there was something in the air that just didn't seem right, vague as it was. But now I could care less because I'm married to Jeromy, and I snagged the best one! Well, he really snagged me....
*****
Arghhhh! I just finished getting ready for a date night! This is the second time I've gotten together with this guy. His name is Matt...funny because I dated a Matt last summer, too! We went on a semi-blind date last Tuesday, and now we're going to this Itallian restaurant in town. Which is good, too, 'cause I'm hungry! I'm more nervous, too, though. The first date was fine, but it the first time we met. The jitters are different tonight, but I'm not really sure why. He's good looking, friendly, we find a lot to talk about, and we are right on as far as our beliefs go. He actually attends the church I went to as a little kid! Kind of eery, huh!
I guess I'm open minded about tonight. Actually the last time I saw him I didn't think he'd call me ever, but then he called the next day, which blew me away! The REALLY ironic thing is that our date last week was to an Allen Asbury concert, which was incredible!!! (Allen Asbury sings "Someone's Praying Me Through".) The thing is, Matt doesn't really like music! I couldn't believe it! I mean, he doesn't mind it, but it's not really his thing. I've never met anyone who dislikes music. Actually, let me re-phrase that, I've never met a Christian that dislikes music. And if you can't tell by now, music is a huge part of MY life. Ok, maybe I'm weird, but sometimes I can't help but just...singing...whatever and wherever, like when I'm excited or joyful or thankful, or something like that. That's just me.
So anyway, I had to talk to someone (or something! LOL) because he won't be here for another half hour. I wish I could just skip this whole dating "thing". It's kind of annoying. I mean, I haven't had a lot of relationships in my life, just casual dates and one I guess you could call "official" relationships, and even that didn't really feel like we were dating. We didn't end the relationship that long ago, either. I was the one who broke things off just because I was fine dating him, but I just couldn't see myself living with him for the rest of my life. Like, the "sparks" weren't flyin' or whatever.
I wish there was a guy out there who's not necessarily Mr. STUD or He-Man or anything, but one who knows BOTH how to have fun and when to be serious. Let me tell you, Christians can have the best fun sometimes! I'm really crazy, but you probably already know that from reading all this! LOL I do like to have deep, meaningful conversations, but I also like to joke around and tease big time (it's my upbringing!). Somebody REAL. Who is honest and open and laid back and sincere and can express his thoughts and feelings. Somebody who loves the Lord and can be the spiritual leader in the relationship, but who is on the same level as I am. I can't say I've found that person yet. I KNOW I wasn't ready for a relationship when I was in high school (every situation is different), but I wish God would just drop my man out of the sky. But He's making me wait. Patience is hard sometimes. But...I have a God who is faithful.
There's a verse in Psalms that says, "Delight yourself also in the Lord: and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). Well we single gals used to believe that verse meant that if we prayed hard enough and sang loud enough God would give us what we want. A name it and claim it philosophy. Leave it to women! Well having studied that verse I have come to believe that as I continue to get to know my Lord and Savior (through spending time in His Word and in prayer) I will begin to understand the things God desires....which, in turn, will become my desires IF my goal is to please Him--to "delight" in Him. So right now either I'm not delighting in the Lord, or I have not made His desires my desires.
Wow, I didn't realize how much I needed reminding of that verse until I began writing it out right now. One thing I know I need to work on (which also made my "list" is trust. When I want something, I have a tendency to try to make it work, to achieve it or acquire it...on my own. It is only after my attempts fail that I realize I forgot to pray about it first. With God there are no big or small issues in our lives. He wants us to come to Him before making ANY decision or stepping out to do ANYTHING. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a life verse for a lot of people I know. It is a good verse. It says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." That doesn't mean I don't plan or set goals. But I need to first surrender those plans and goals to the Lord, willing to be re-directed should doors close. Well there have been far too many paths I've directed on my own without any thought to what God might want me to do! This is a hard lesson for me to learn, and I think for everyone, or so many people wouldn't claim it as their life verse. (I don't actually have a life verse...but I do have favorite passages that really speak to me.)
Even with relationships. Sure, I want to get married and have a family. But today that's not what God wants for me. (Unless tonight is the start down that road! lol) God has a purpose for me in every season of my life, even as I'm single. I just need to keep trusting in the Lord with all my heart and not trying to lean on MY understanding when I face disappiontment or feel impatient. When that is the case, I usually discover that I have not acknowledged Him and am not allowing Him to direct my path, even in this one part of my life. It is amazing how much more smoothly I can handle things when I have first layed them at the feet of Jesus! Not to mean the problems disappear, but He always gives me the peace and the ability to trust Him when I have no idea what He is up to. Someone once said that there is no such thing as an unanswered prayer. God ALWAYS answers immediately with one of three words, YES, NO, or WAIT. I'll take a yes or a no over a wait anytime! But it's during those periods of waiting when I find that my faith increases the most. I learn to trust His timing and perfect ways, and to live for something more than instant gratification. God certainly knows what He's doing, and I am so grateful, because there are many times when I do not!!!
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