I finally finished my second Don Miller book. I zipped through Blue Like Jazz last spring. I mean I read that thing in less than a week, even amid all the busyness of traveling and planning for a wedding. I started Searching for God Knows What in July. The first couple chapters of this book went fairly quickly. Then I got married. After that whirlwind the pace through the second read slowed to a paragraph a sitting for a while, though I was as committed to reading the last page as I am to finishing the last drop of a latte. It's just not right to leave even a hint of sweet espresso goodness sitting in the bottom of the cup, destined for the trash. After all, it probably cost me 28 cents alone! It's the principle of good stewardship!
I don't know why it took me seven months to finish the book, other than a few distractions in my life such as, hmmm...a move, three job changes, addition of ministries, weekly meal planning, vacuuming, dusting, and extensive hand-holding sessions with my new husband. When does a girl have time to read?!
However, since I am not a quitter (except for two jobs, but that's a separate issue...), I began carrying Don Miller's book with me, much as I do my red leather-bound Bible, hoping this would help me take a few minutes here and there to immerse myself in the highly anti-religious, relational vs. formulaic discussion of Christian Spirituality. Yet one cannot read Miller's stuff "here and there". It's not like a novel. Perhaps this is why I kept feeling as though I were experiencing bouts of ADD every time I removed the bookmark and started to read. It was and is frustrating because I really like Don Miller's stuff!
At times I am so distracted by everything that I think I really do have ADD. It takes a lot, anymore, to slow down enough to quiet the heart while living in such a fast-paced culture. At least I find that true for me. Knowing this, I have to consciously make opportunities available, kind of force myself to sit still in order to gain some perspective. Scripture and authors like Don Miller help me keep that perspective. Reading is probably the biggest stress reliever for me, aside from writing, that is.
Whenever I read anything that makes me think, I get this sudden urge to write. (Thus, a new blog!) Writing is very therapeutic for me, and sometimes I even feel guilty for putting off the journaling of my thoughts and inner struggles. I believe God made me this way, to process life through written word. It helps me to recognize and, in turn, remember what God is doing in my life. It's as if writing is a first-person conversation with God. And I believe He gets some sort of glory from that. It is when I neglect to make time to write that I don't get that sense of self-examination. Issues become easier to push back and pretend they don't exist when they are not thoroughly processed. I feel like many of the lessons God intends me to "get" and apply become fragmented and optional, instead of essential to the well-being of my heart, essential as God Himself. That sounds heavy, but I just think Satan knows how spiritual it is for me to write, just like he knows prayer and Bible study leads to spiritual growth. Therefore, he does everything he can to keep me away from these most beneficial activities. I will even go as far as to say writing causes me to desire spending devotional time with God because, for some reason, I can't be fake when I write. Writing pulls out what's inside - both hearts, new and old; the smiles and the scars; the joy and the pain. For some reason the keyboard does not let me hide.
I would like to say I am turning over a new leaf this day, that I will from now on carve out a half hour every day to pour out raw thought in blog form. But I just finished Don Miller's book. That practice would be formula, and you and I both know that such specific discipline turns into ritual, and ritual into hum drum. I am on a journey to find out what abundant life in Christ is all about, and I know from too many experiences that I will find only the opposite if I fix my spiritual life into a box like that. Since Christianity is relational, it is also personal. God made unique individuals, did He not? So within the realm God's character as well as the essentials of the faith, we are each free to desire Him and seek Him and grow in Him in the way that actually works for us. John Piper would say that a huge aspect of our obedience to God is the joy we pursue in Him. There must be both. And wouldn't you want both? Not in a way that works for someone else, but for you? So much of my Christian life has been an attempt to emulate the spiritual lives of others. So much of it has been trite and dry. Abundant life, eh? Well I know it is available because of all the ways it is sprinkled in the words of Jesus throughout the New Testament. (See Ephesians 3:20, John 10:10, and I Corinthians 2:9.) But how do I experience it? How do spiritual activities keep their luster and shine when life feels dull and I feel drained?
I think the gist is summed up in John 17:3, which gives us the object or source of our abundant life, "And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." My quest, then, is to know God. This quest is as unique to me as it is for you, although always stemming from Christ. Without Him we simply cannot know God. But since the way has been made, why not act upon it? He is within our grasp but so infrequently do I reach for Him. I claw the air for something to fulfill me, but He is so big and so present that I sometimes miss Him!
When I tell people I used to live five minutes from the ever famous Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota (ok, so it's the only claim to fame we've got a leg to stand on...although there is the Mary Tyler Moore house...), they ask me how often I would venture there. I tell them I lived next door the "Mega Mall" for a whole year and I probably visited the place a total of three times. Most of those times were to entertain out-of-town guests with the roller coaster contained in the mall's indoor amusement park. People can't believe I could live so close to such an attraction and hardly take advantage of it! I'm sure people who live five minutes from Disneyland could resonate with me. Or perhaps individuals who live next door to a famous person but never ask them over for coffee.
Simply, we gravitate toward things which are unfamiliar. New places, events, experiences - those usually within at least a four-hour drive of our homes! In this way, I always marvel at the concept of vacation. Why is it that we would rather spend half our vacation leave sitting in stuffy airports or stuffy cars in order to experience beauty and excitement in some other place? Why don't we just drive across town and eat at the city's favorite restaurant? Why don't we take a picnic to the local nature center? Why do we like to visit every other state capitol except ours? There is so much we can enjoy within a stone's throw that we rarely take advantage of. I lived in Minnesota most of my life, and never made it to the Boundary Waters. Even a jaunt into downtown St. Paul for a concert was "big doin's"!
As another example, my family used to take summer road trips all around the country to experience the "other". In fact, while I was growing up we took at least two trips to Washington D.C. That's a 20+ hour drive nonstop! We visited every monument, statue, and historical site within the vicinity, my mother envisioning the finished photo album every step of the way. Now I live just 90 minutes south of D.C. and have never gone site-seeing in the last year and a half I've been here! How pathetic. It's at least ten times cheaper a trip! Where did the excitement go?
The point is, we get used to things and they lose their interest. Unfortunately, it seems we have even grown used to (or perhaps distracted ourselves from) the omnipresence of the God of the universe, so much so that our desire to be with Him has greatly dimmed. Christ is no longer novel, just like the places and attractions that draw tourists to our area no longer appeal to us. Have we figured out God?! If we think of Him as old hat we don't really know Him! Or, at least, we forget how much we enjoy Him until we taste Him once again. Until we take that stroll around the neighborhood park and remember how fun it is to ride the swings!
We forget that the greatness of the experiences God allows us are so that in our enjoyment of them, we would magnify Him. Yet, too often we focus on the created, overlooking the Creator. These things are but hints of His greatness. If we would only look through the wonders of this world instead of at them, maybe then our wonder will turn to Him. Maybe then we would no longer be satisfied with what once caused us to shiver with excitement here on earth, because we would have caught a glimpse of something better. He is always there, which is different than all those other things in life we take for granted because they will pass away. God remains.
If we would only take time to pursue God like we pursue ski trips and exotic cruises, would we find that same psyched up feeling swell our hearts? I would say so. I think we start to pursue God, and then before we can blink we are back to pursuing ourselves. Our hearts deceive ourselves into thinking we are still pursuing God, but because the journey has left us bored, it has to mean God is no longer in the equation. If we would stay on the God-quest, I believe we would discover new things about Him we never knew existed. Our understanding of God's character would become clearer than ever before and then, in turn, our love and desire for Him would grow to new heights. I would venture to guess that God would seem new to us every day! After all, God created novel.
I think if I get to that point in my Christian journey, I will have begun to understand abundant life. In fact, I'll bet the experience most likely precedes the revelation! The pursuit of God probably is the abundant life, just like writing for me is both a spiritual process and a great interest. At any rate, we'll see where this takes me.
Thanks, Don Miller, for getting me to write again. I wonder what I will read next...
btw...Happy 6-month, Jeromy!
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