Three Things

While going through his file cabinet recently, my aunt and my mom found a special letter that my dad had written 8 years ago. You would not believe the volumes of notes and papers my dad has kept over the last three decades! Most have been thrown away, although I would have liked to have gone through them myself first! But it's just as well because everything is sentimental to me, but not everything is practical to keep. I did steal away a short pile of church bulletins with gobs (a dad word) of outlines and marginal references. My dad had notoriously messy handwriting, so making out sentences is somewhat difficult. Of course, his scribbles made perfect sense to him, whose eyes he assumed would be the only ones to read them.

Let me give you a visual:











This church bulletin is from November 5, 2000, just two days before Bush's first term!












There was one piece of writing that particularly stood out to my aunt Bev. My dad really had a heart to encourage. He was always one to write to soldiers in boot camp ("It's only a mind game." "Just do whatever they say and you'll be fine." "10 weeks and you're done." type thing.) He'd been there and, therefore, felt he could connect with the person. And he loved the novelty of a handwritten letter. I don't think he would have used email even if he had the time or the know-how!

Upon my half-cousin Matthew's (my dad's half sister Karen's son) high school graduation, my dad decided to write him a letter. We don't know Karen's sons very well at all, as I probably met them maybe three times in my life due to distance, and I think this was my dad's way of influencing a family member in the best way he could. It's funny because I don't remember receiving a letter like this when I graduated, but I suppose his numerous spontaneous and informal speeches to my brother and I could have been written up into a thousand paged letter!

We are not sure if my dad ever sent this letter. It's likely he could have gotten bogged down with the rough draft (what's that??) and the letter just got shuffled into some pile. Regardless, it ended up in his file cabinet he had titled, "Gary Personal." I never knew the file even existed until now.

The reason I feel my dad's "words of advice to a high-school graduate" needs typed up and recorded here on my blog is because of it's poignancy. This letter describes so honestly and soberly the things most important to my dad. It offers his struggles, his regrets, but also his hope and his desires. My dad was always about the "three things", and this letter is classic him.

I do have to say that the most difficult aspect of this letter is the last point. He basically predicted his death. It is remarkable to read, but so very, very heart-wrenching.

I hope this letter finds it's way into Matthew's hands.

*****

Congratulations on your graduation, Matthew.

I was there once myself and I remember it as if it was yesterday. My next question to myself was: "now what?".

I was pretty short-sighted back then - never thought about the long look. As a high school senior, I told my career counselor I planned on joining the Army that Fall (but first having fun over the summer). I lived with my step-dad most of my life up to that time, who was an Air Force career man and probably 65+% of the guys in my senior class, upon graduation, followed in the same footsteps. I guess "like produces like".

Well, being a rebel as I was, out of spite, I chose the Navy (Uncle Sam's best). My mother separated from my real dad (your grandpa Bill) when I was 6 and she re-married two years later to this Air Force guy, so that's how all this came about.

Your mom sent us your senior picture a couple weeks ago. You look like your Uncle Billy. I saw the resemblance immediately. Often, you have to be around someone for a long time to spot similarities, idioms, etc. of one person to another. But not with you two.

Well, if someone were to ask me, Matthew, what I would tell a high school graduate in this day and age, I wouldn't have to think very long and hard. I narrowed it down to three. And I would advise any graduate - including my own kids - exactly the same.

First, get to know the Lord in a real, intimate way (if you haven't already). He will give you direction in life, as well as eternal life. You can trust him (Proverbs 3:5-6; Hebrews 6:18). Also, he won't thwart your own interests, gifts, goals, etc. All our desires and interests we think are our own ultimately come from God. We don't conjure them up ourselves (James 1:17). This applies even today - Y ^ 2000 (Malachi 2:6; Hebrews 13:8).

Second, in relation to a career, be what you want to be. Please yourself over pleasing others in this area. I don't believe in always "following in the father's footsteps". If it works out that way, fine. But God has given us all the capacity to choose. As I already said, He doesn't hinder our interests and goals.

Unfortunately, circumstances may temporarily hinder/block you from reaching a career goal, like being short on finances, but you can make it up and start up again. Give it time. Can't scale a mountain by frantically climbing one plateau after another in one day. If you have to sit, park and rest on one level for a while, so be it. You'll be a lot stronger when you resume your climb again, I'll tell you that. Oftentimes, a temporary hindrance/block will give you valuable time to re-gather together some thoughts; maybe time to re-evaluate. You can circumvent a block in your life better with a clear head, and hanging in limbo for a while may be just what one needs.

My brother-in-law (Linda's brother Scott) went through three career changes in his life before he finally landed on what he thought he should do: first, he wanted to be a farmer, then became a semi driver, then went to school for a semester to become an eye doctor, then he felt called to the ministry - went through seminary and became a pastor, and last year he entered in the Air Force as a chaplain at age 36. He just made Captain last month. The bottom line - career preparation can be tedious and frustrating, but necessary. Actually, if you look at college or any career preparation from one point of view, you can say it's only a temporary interruption to life. Be like a stoic - grin and bear it. If it's college for you then an under graduate degree only takes 4 years. I look at it this way, if I knew how long anything grueling would last, then I could stand on my head doing it. Stick with it. Keep on keeping on. Your mother is aggressive. She is an excellent role model for you to follow in setting and reaching career goals.

The last thing I would advise a graduate is, the best you can - stay healthy. I heard a doctor say once that he concluded most chronic diseases people contract are a direct result of what goes in their mouth. We're just spinning our wheels/beating the air to think we can pacify our minds in believing good health is maintained only through ridged exercise and then chuck the diet. I'm not one to talk because I fight this problem tooth and nail. I'm a truck driver and that puts me around junk food all the time. I love pizza - "the works". I'll probably die of some food related chronic disease. But I know a ridged exercise program isn't totally the answer. The one who popularized jogging, as a matter of fact, died while jogging about 15 years ago. Nutritious food and good exercise compliment each other.

I have bronchial asthma - it's chronic. But I try to keep physically fit and I pay the price for the medication. As far as I'm concerned, there is no price too great to pay in order to feel good.

I should be the last one to dole out advice on life. I, like everyone else, have, still do, and probably will always struggle with all the dos and don'ts in this letter. I'm not infallible. Call all the home-spun wisdom, garage logic, whatever, all three pieces of advice equal Happiness (with a capital "H").

Our son Justin will be graduating from high school next year, and our daughter Tara will be starting her second year of college this Fall. Florida is eons away from Minnesota but maybe some day we can visit one another again.

Good luck to ya, guy!

Uncle Gary Nelson