Behind Good Manners

Kelly @ Love Well put up a wonderful post today on 5 Minutes for Parenting regarding teaching our children manners. Although a helpful article for the purpose it was written, I took something additional away from it in the form of a thought-provoking quote by Emily Post:

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”

These words instantly reminded me of the time we were in Minnesota for Christmas this past year. I offered to set the table for dinner at my grandma's house. I was about done when she said something like, "Don't you know the forks go on the other side? And the glasses too??" She said there is purpose behind all the order in the world, much like the traffic or other types of laws, such as no speeding. For our safety. For predictability.

I admit I thought that reasoning a bit silly. I paused in my task and returned with, "Yes, but nobody is going to get hurt if the fork is on the wrong side of the plate as one might speeding down the highway. And besides, formal place-setting was invented by a personal preference; that doesn't make it the correct way."

I was trying to be respectful in my disagreement, but I wanted to speak up. Probably most in my extended family would have simply said, 'Yes, Grandma', no questions asked. In fact, I normally would, too. I dearly love my grandmother but I was simply trying to get her to think outside the box. (Though I should have considered how sturdy and comfortably familiar are the box-walls of grandparents!) Of course, I believe there is nothing wrong with the way she wanted me to set the table. Yet, she dismissed my statement and so I reluctantly complied to her table-setting orders, slightly bitter that my opinion did not count.

Is this a generational thing?? I still don't know how to set a table properly. Just so there's a plate, fork, cup, and half a paper towel - and food - at each place we're perfectly happy at our house. That's all the predictability we need.

But even though Kelly's post is intended towards parenting, the theme made me reflect anew on the value (not to mention biblical command!) of considering others above myself, even if I still think certain ways of doing things can seem unnecessarily tedious. If Grandma wants her table set a certain way, then it is not going to kill me to please her. For someone whose happiness is important to me, it should have made me happy to do it her preferred way.

Because, now that I think of it, if my husband puts my small batter bowl in the wrong cupboard I am tempted to fume! Nevermind that he just emptied the dishwasher for me!!

Sorry, Grandma! I love you!