On Simplicity: A Piggy-Back Post Off Another's Piggy-Backed Post

I probably shouldn't mention that the following (not all) was originally intended as a blog comment. However, I get a little embarrassed when I overtake someone's post by writing a "book" on theirs, so I decided it would be better to post this on my own blog.

In a recent post Heidi @ Minnesota Mom referenced this post regarding simple living and how several in this society have seemed to redefine simplicity as something that doesn't feel all that simple anymore.

Sure, the "olden days" are often referenced as simpler times, and in many ways it was. Lack of media, advanced technology, and ready transportation probably accounted for most of it. But every day tasks were anything but simple! Hey, I love my washer and dryer and have no desire whatsoever to start using a wash board to do laundry. Especially my hubby's pit-stained T-shirts - are you kidding me?!

Of course, people aren't going to such an extreme, but a recent trend for many homemakers has turned towards sewing one's own clothes, planting lavish gardens for canning, baking from-scratch bread, etc. All of these projects save money and for the most part, enhance quality (though I suppose it depends on skill level!). Yet while I dearly love to make homemade bread on certain occasions, most of the time I happily purchase store-bought loaves. Nothing retains a status of special anymore when everything must be placed into the homemade or perfect category. I make boxed brownies more often than homemade, though I enjoy homemade much more. But then when I do make homemade, somehow they taste even better.

Some women today are feeling the pressure to do everything themselves, myself not exempt. I have not tried making my own laundry detergent or multi-purpose cleaner before, although the thought keeps nagging at me that I should. Why not? But time is money, and the generic stuff we use seems to take the stains out just fine, albeit with more chemicals. Perhaps one day I'll feel like trying my hand at the homemade stuff, but right now that would just make life more hectic.

I can't tell you how much pressure I get to scrapbook. Yes I am creative and yes I have made one scrapbook and a few other scrapping projects in the past. But I have seen too many women become consumed and/or overwhelmed by the never ending project. Not to mention the outrageous cost of all the materials! Hobbies are supposed to be stress relieving and leisurely, not pressured and burdensome.

And most recently, since I've mentioned the pregnancy, people have begun advising me to start scrapping the baby book now. I still haven't decided if there will even be a baby book. Who ever looks at those things anyway? And when the baby (and future kids) come along, I will only have less time to even think about scrapbooking, yet it will forever hang over my head if I start now. Why torture myself?

I think a lot of women start scrapping and then because they have invested all this time and money into it they feel guilty if ever they plainly gave it up. Or guilty that the second and third child will feel cheated because big brother or sister got this elaborate memory book and they didn't. Plus, isn't recounting events and memories a reason I blog in the first place? I would rather write a story about my child than arrange pictures of him/her on a page.

I recall this time last year when a lot of my friends declared they had decided to sew or knit all of their Christmas gifts. Talk about a money saver! Inexpensive yet love-invested gifts that mail for just ounces! I grew a little envious because I had just learned to crochet, yet there was no way I'd be able to work up a project for everybody on my list, and certainly not in time for Christmas! Then December rolled around, and my friends began to sound anxious as they furiously worked on their presents, it seemed, at every free second of the day and night. To me it sounded like simplicity turned quickly into nightmare!

In a perfect world with no distractions or interruptions, homemade everything sounds so much more valuable and wholesome, doesn't it? But to hang an inflexible deadline over your head and say, "I must do this!" just doesn't sound very gracious to self nor others who must then deal with our hurried pursuits.

I like small projects that have a clear beginning and an end. I don't want to fear taking pictures just because I don't want to have to add them to the "to scrap" list. Ha! But if I get the itch to scrapbook I will perhaps, as I have before, scrap my Christmas cards. But I think this year we'll just purchase them. :)

I'm sure some women can and do scrap without the pressure, but I know myself. I mostly think on a smaller scale. I'll paint a room, I'll crochet a hat (but not 20!), I'll make freezer jam instead of stove top. Easy, quick, over and done with. To me that is homemade simplicity.

The BFP

(Um, can it be a little more obvious???)



Indulge me as I share my initial thoughts upon sight of those two infamous sticks above:

***

August 4, 2009

How can the pull to keep something a secret and to shout it from rooftops be so equally strong? The first thing I wanted to do when I saw that pink line was to call my family and update my Facebook status with an ecstatic announcement. The dialogue in my head went something like this:

Oh what the hay, tell the world!

No, don’t – you’ll regret it.

Maybe I could just tell my brother. My SIL is just 3 or 4 weeks ahead of me and I am dying with anticipation to share some First Trimester-banter with her.

Uh, better not. It’s safer.

Can’t let Mom find out just yet. Don't want to torture her by forcing her to keep the news to herself. Because we all know she just can't. :)

All I can say is, thank the good o’ Internet for the forums. Oh, the message boards! The one safe place outside your hubby to blab and squeal and openly rave about your newly-discovered “condition”. Jumping around on the boards lets you relieve a lot of that stored up excitement, at least enough to satiate your threatening-to-burst-at-any-moment-baby-bump-bubble. It’s not the same as telling your family and friends, of course. Not even close. None of the ladies on the boards are all that excited for you, not like your aunt or your best friend would be. Nevertheless, they are in the same boat as you, and soak up the giving and receiving of congratulations all around.

I’m actually sort of puzzled as to why women like to keep their secret under wraps for the first few weeks or even months. After all, the enthusiastic support of loved ones during most other new life ventures is normally appreciated. I gather one reason is most likely that a woman has to first get used to the idea that she is pregnant. Believe it, even. Allow for time to get used to the idea and let it sink in.

We had been trying since June, and after one month of no take, I wasn’t super optimistic about July. I went off the Ring and began taking pre-natal vitamins all the way back in November, and I was surprised that we were able to successfully prevent for the seven months before we started trying to conceive (TTC). The natural methods of birth control always intrigued me but I had a hard time trusting my body because my cycles are so irregular. And while I still don’t fully trust the results of my daily basal temperature (since I get up at least once or twice per night and the thermometer relies on a consistent, restful sleep), I was still able to make at least some heads or tails of the time of ovulation. I am not 100% confident about tracking my cycles, but at this point I don’t think I could ever go back to BC.

I was certain I would get pregnant the month we started trying, so when I didn’t I became slightly concerned that we might have to deal with infertility problems. So ridiculous, I know, after just one month. But what girl doesn’t think about these things? I hear just about as many stories about couples struggling with infertility and miscarriage as I do stories of uneventful, healthy, to-term pregnancies. I don’t know if infertility is actually more common in this generation or that people these days are just more candid and open about talking about these kinds of issues than in generations past. Probably the latter. But you don’t really think about it until it’s relevant. And if it happens to so many others, why could it not happen to you?

Two different brands of home pregnancy tests (HPT) later and you have to take a moment or two to realize:

“I’m pregnant!”

“My body can actually do this!”

“I’ve officially joined the Baby Mama’s Club!”

“Am I seriously going to have to clean up after projectile vomit and diaper blow-outs in just another eight or so months?!”

And if this has never happened to you before, planned or not, it’s a little freaky to think about. Surreal. Life-changing. Instant perspective-gaining. And if for the hormones alone, you really don’t care to have all your Facebook friends bombarding you with a million questions and advice. Not just yet. For as long as you decide (and don’t yet show!), these secret-harboring moments are all yours. An intimate time mixed with realization and disbelief. Sober gratitude and outright giddiness between you, your husband, and the God who created this brand new eternal soul. You can never get this time back.

So, we are going to enjoy it. As much as it absolutely kills me. Ha!

Another reason, I think, women like to keep their baby news to themselves is the wait to get beyond the risk of an early miscarriage. I guess this is so to prevent any awkward interaction between family and friends who don’t know how to comfort the grieving parents and the grieving parents who don’t know what kind of comfort they need. Maybe a cop-out, but a reason, nonetheless. Some women adamantly believe in spreading the word about their bun-in-the-oven for the immediate prayer support. Especially those who have previously miscarried and/or are considered a high-risk pregnancy. I don’t blame them.

I think I stand somewhere in between the two extremes. I could never wait 5 months tell everyone we’re expecting, though I know some who have. However, living 1000 miles away from most of my family and friends does give us an advantage. Since I don’t see these people on a regular or even occasionally doesn’t put me in moments of temptation where I might reveal the existence of our Little Peanut earlier than I would like. Keeping the secret from Jeromy’s family, however, will prove a little bit more difficult, as we’ll be seeing them for Grandma Roxie’s 75th birthday in just a couple weeks! It will not be easy to mums the word (especially if the birthday bash becomes a puke fest!), but hopefully we will stay strong.

I would like to wait until maybe I’ve reached the 12-week mark. As of today I am at 5 weeks and 2 days, thanks to my handy dandy cycle chart. I have an appointment this Friday morning for blood work to determine gestational age more accurately. But I still think I’m right, so we will see! At any rate, I don’t think I could wait much longer than another 8 weeks before blabbing. If I end up even waiting that long. But something about exclusively knowing about something is sort of fun, too!

So I had this super great way to tell Jeromy about the pregnancy. Of course, he knew I was having a longer cycle this month, but I’ve had a 34-day cycle before, so he was still pretty nonchalant. I had thought of taking a test on Tuesday (today) morning, but I got a sudden bout of unshakable curiosity Sunday night and took two tests within an hour of the other around 11pm-12am (while Hubby, unbeknownst to him, was sleeping the night away).

After I got my BFP (which is board talk for "big fat positive") I devised how my plan would go down the next morning. I had purchased a “Baby on Board” sign for $2 at Target back in April (just in case we “oopsed” before officially TTC. (There were a couple months I thought for sure we were pregnant, so I had to be ready!) Since I always wake up before Jeromy I knew it would be easy to sneak out the door and attach the sign to either the driver’s or passenger’s side window. He would either notice it when he got in the truck or a couple miles down the road, depending on where I would have placed it. At which time I would have promptly received a phone call, and I’m sure he would have turned around and gone back to the house to freak out with me. Genius, I know.

But, sadly, that’s not how it worked out. Though I’m sure we’ll still get plenty of use out of the “Baby on Board” sign.

After the BFP you couldn’t pay me to sleep. I laid down and could feel my heart beating hard at what felt like a million times a minute. I remember the progression of my very first reactions while holding the two sticks after they had turned positive:

“Nuh uh!"

“Scary!”

“Unbelievable!”

“I am so freaking scared!”

Wait…

“I am so freaking excited!!!”

And from there on out, it was pretty much elation. I have not been scared or shocked since those first few seconds. Maybe if we were still in our first year of marriage I might have been initially devastated, but this Little Thing is/was planned and that made for a quicker transition from “I don’t know if I’m ready for this?” to “I’m a mommy – yay!”

And I couldn’t stop thinking about the BFP, try as I might to turn off the brain and get some sleep. So I figured it would be more productive – and fun – to hop online and check out all the pregnancy websites I’d been anxious to have a reason to visit than to lie in bed and listen to Husband saw logs until dawn. Plus I didn’t want to wake him with my tossing and turning because I didn’t want to be tempted to tell him before I could carry out my plan!

Around 3am I got off the couch to hit the restroom in the hallway. Afterward I peeked into the bedroom and noticed that Jeromy wasn’t in bed. And then I saw the sliver of light in the doorway of the master bathroom.

Oh the horror! I ran to the door and opened it just in time to see Jeromy leaning over the sink right in front of – you guessed it – both HPTs. My fun little “Baby on Board” plan shattered to pieces as realization came over my sleepy hubby. As soon as he noticed the results of the tests, I bent over and looked in his face and said, “Hi.”

Jeromy wrapped me up in a big hug. For a moment neither of us mouthed a word. Then Jeromy said, “I’m happy!” I don’t recall what else we said but I think I told him that he wasn’t supposed to find out until the morning. But it was kind of fun how it happened because it turned out to be a special moment. I just didn’t want Jeromy to be up for the rest of the night and as sleepy as me the next day.

We laid in bed and talked – marveled – for the next hour. We prayed together and thanked God for this little life, for the privilege to become parents, and for a healthy and safe pregnancy. What an unforgettable time! I remember thinking that the last time I couldn’t sleep like this was the night before my wedding, and now it was the night I discover I’m carrying my first child! I finally drifted off to sweet dreams around 4am, thankful I was not scheduled to work in the morning!

I haven’t been experiencing a ton of symptoms so far. I guess they are supposed to intensify around the 6-7 week mark. Maybe I will beat the odds, who knows! But apparently, a lot of women like morning sickness and all that because it signifies that there is still a baby growing inside them. When the symptoms wane some women get scared something is wrong. My chest has been sore for a little more than a week, though at first I suspected it was due to an imminent menstrual period like normal.

Strangely, I’ve endured two evenings of pretty severe nausea, but none since. The first time, the waves started coming on while I was reading in bed at about 9:30 pm. It just kept getting worse and worse. I usually eat dinner pretty early, so by about 10:15 or so I thought I was just hungry like I sometimes get before bed. But I was too lazy to get up, eat something, and have to brush my teeth again before turning in.

The nausea wouldn’t let up, though, so I went to the kitchen spice cabinet, grabbed the bottle of peppermint extract, dabbed a drop under my nose (I heard peppermint soothes an upset tummy). That brought temporary relief but I soon got up again. This time I sliced some Havarti cheese on a multigrain baguette, but felt that wasn’t enough so poured half a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. I gulped that stuff down like I’d never eaten before!

I’m not sure if I just needed food or what, but after then taking a couple Tums I laid back down and fell asleep soon after, when the nausea subsided. (And without brushing!)

That was early, too, at least a week and a half ago, if not two. Perhaps there was a surge of hormones when the little bean implanted in my uterus that night? Who’s to say, but if that night was any hint at what’s to come, I’m about to become a physically worthless mama-to-be in a few weeks! But hopefully not. I usually eat every couple hours anyway, and I hear that helps a lot.

***

August 25, 2009

I am 8 or so weeks along. My first OB appointment is the day after tomorrow (yay!) and I’ve heard lots of stories of women whose doctors measure their babies a week behind. I don’t want to go backwards. 2nd Tri, here I come!

During the first 5 full weeks of this pregnancy I felt invincible. Not really tired or sick or bloated. Then week 6 hit and I learned really quickly what morning sickness is all about! I was hoping I’d be a lucky one and avoid getting nausea. Or at least that I’d be able to rise above it and function at 100% as usual. However, that’s not how things have gone down. This baby is kicking my butt!! Or rather, the hormones are!

I don’t know if I should be grateful or not, but I have not actually thrown up yet. I have found that eating every couple of hours keeps nausea somewhat at bay. It doesn’t make it go away, but at least it becomes tolerable so that I actually feel well enough to shower and go to work and maybe clean the bathrooms or something. The only trouble is, the “cure” is the enemy. Nausea is so frustrating because you know that eating will help but you can’t bear the thought of putting something in your mouth, chewing and, even worse, swallowing. Everything is revolting. Yes, everything. Yet you force down some form of substantial calories because it allows you to find some relief and perhaps even sleep a few hours.

I have to admit that I’m not bent-over-can’t-get-out-of-bed sick entirely 24/7. There is usually a little window around 4-7pm or so when I feel relatively fine. Thankfully, that has afforded me the ability to eat fairly decent dinners. My worst moments come between 2am and 10am. Such a long stretch of YUCK!!

***

And thus, no more words until week 15. The weeks in between include just more of that last entry. A lot more.


















In Pittsburgh on our 3rd anniversary and one week into hiding our little secret! And let me say, The Melting Pot never tasted so good!

Happy Easter To Us!

Now if that doesn't make you go back to the question of 'which came first'?!

That's right, this brand new Mama Hen is incubating her ever first baby chick, estimated hatching on Easter Sunday! Specifically, April 4, 2010.

Though my posts are usually few and far in between, lately they have been extra sparse as, with tape to our mouths and mitts on our typing fingers, we impatiently waited out the first trimester. But once we saw our Chicken Little via sonogram last week, it was secret no more! Everyone I've ever (and never) known found out our news within a matter of hours.

This Age of Facebook made keeping things under wraps much more difficult than I'm sure it was for our parents' generation. It killed me to not be able to tell my closest family members and friends during those first few weeks. I just knew that if any of them found out the whole world would find out. Just like in this moment I know about a certain someone's pregnancy, though I am not supposed to know, except for another person (who, by the way, was also not supposed to know) decided to tell me. FYI: If you're asked to keep a secret, please honor that request! These people thought they could trust you! Needless to say, that did it for me, and our baby news became one secret I decided to keep to myself!

However, there are huge benefits to sharing such exciting, once-in-a-lifetime news with your extended family and friends on Facebook. Of course, we phoned or told in person each V.I.P. in our lives (parents, siblings, a few friends) who ought to know before your 1st grade Sunday School teacher finds out via the Internet! But after that, how. Much. Fun. is it to receive such an overwhelming response of congratulations all in one place?! Especially since we live so far away from many of my friends and family members, receiving so much support from everyone made it seem like I was at a reunion or something! It felt kind of like it does reading your wedding guest book over and over. So precious! Which reminds me, I need to copy and paste all of those well-wishes for the baby book!

Of course, nobody could be more happy about this baby than we are! I cannot wait for every milestone in this pregnancy (well, now that the worst of the morning sickness is behind me *knock on wood*) and all of the joys and fun challenges ahead with getting used to a newborn and raising our very own little person! As every expectant parent knows, this is one time that is both ultra exciting and ultra scary! Yet we have confidence that God will meet the unique needs of each day and that by Him we will become thriving parents. The result of our parenting is ultimately in His hands, as is our child.

Good intentions, good intentions! I had hoped to document in writing more of these first few weeks of pregnancy. But as alluded to above, the Big, Bad Nausea Monster came a-knocking at about week six. Even now, at almost 16 weeks, I have days where I feel better than others. But UGH! I was not a fan of pregnancy the duration of the last couple of months! You simply don't want to do anything when you feel that horrible. I went over a whole month without touching my house with a dust mop or cleaning rag. And for me to not care about a clean house meant this sickness was whipping my tail!

The first few weeks of the Crud I lived off chicken noodle soup and Sprite, though I knew my body needed more substance to get through the day (and night). So I tried incorporating more protein into my meals, chowing down lots of cottage cheese, gnawing on beef jerky, and over time scrambling more than a few dozen eggs. I also found that pasta/chicken casseroles did my tummy good, as did (and still does!) mashed potatoes. I do have to say, I miss my cold deli meat sandwiches! I frequently make grilled ham and cheese with tomato soup just so I can have shaved ham! (Besides, of course, the given yumminess factor of that entire meal!) I've tried nuking the meat to kill any possible bacteria and it's just not the same. But I know all this is for a good cause!

Just don't give me a banana, especially if it's the least bit overripe. I can't stand the smell, nor do I have any desire whatsoever to indulge. Which is actually a self-fulfilled prophesy. For more than 4 years I had been eating for breakfast a toasted English muffin spread with peanut butter (couldn't keep enough jars in the house!), a drizzle of honey, and sliced bananas over the top. In fact, I actually preferred the banana a little on the ripe side. One day, long before I got pregnant, I told Jeromy that once I'm pregnant I will probably repulse at the thought of this breakfast. Oh how true that remains! I still remember the last time I ate that for breakfast, around the time I started really feeling sick. I could barely eat a bite or two, though I fought it. I love this stuff, remember?! I think if I made that breakfast today, I could stomach everything but the sliced banana on top. Although I really don't have the desire to make or eat it at the moment. Hmm, maybe God's preparing me for a peanut-allergic child and is making it easier to wean me off my formerly beloved peanut butter. Who knows?

As for actually throwing up, I hadn't looked the Porcelain Throne in the face (except to clean it!) for years and years until week 12. I threw up 4 days that week, and then one day in week 13. What's up with that? Just when I thought the nausea was starting to taper off, WHAM! Usually I had found ways to ease the nausea if I felt like throwing up. For a while sniffing peppermint extract until I obtained a palatable calorie source seemed to work. But those days I threw up I quickly came to the realization that nothing was going to stop the floodgates this time! I think possibly I let too much time pass before eating something. Maybe I had been starting to feel overly confident that the nausea would go away by the end of the first trimester that I let my eating slide. That's my guess, anyway. Since then I've tried not being so stupid and keep snacks with me everywhere. Although I still gag/heave on my toothbrush most mornings, which is highly annoying...

At almost 16 weeks, I think I am finally beginning to show. Or at least I can't suck in as much as I used to! I think it's a combination of the growing uterus and my lack of exercise as of late. Some of that belly I'm seeing is more than likely real fat! Unfortunately, since being sick, I have happily gotten used to not working out. It's actually decreased stress in my life to not always have to be on the treadmill. The angel on my other shoulder, however, tells me I've turned into a lazy butt and that I need to at least get in some form of cardio. I am not used to becoming out of breath so quickly! And I don't like watching my buns and thighs grow along with my belly. I'm not used to this. Hopefully I will get back on the horse, but it's not looking like anytime soon. I really have become lazy! (Or maybe my priorities have shifted, I don't know.) I just don't want to become the woman who hides behind her baby, and now that everything is all about the baby, she lets herself completely go. I don't want to become her! Hear this, Blogworld: I refuse to wear Mom Jeans!!

Well, on that note :) I'll just take my place behind my adorable little peanut's first baby pictures and gush over his/her already-prominent cuteness! Of course we are biased, but even the ultrasound technician commented on how crisp and clear the images turned out. I wish they weren't copies of copies, but I could still stare at them for hours!
















I love how you can almost count the fingers on that little hand! (This sonogram was taken at 14 weeks 1 day.) We call him/her our Squirmy Worm. The baby wouldn't keep his/her arms and legs still. It would cross and uncross its legs, and even flipped over several times during the ultrasound. (Jeromy said it reminded him of how he flips over at night!) Wonder if this is a hint of what's to come! We might want to stock up on baby gates!!!

















In this image the little one appears to be sucking his/her thumb. We're not sure if that is actually the case, but we saw this a lot! It's too bad you have to retain such a full bladder during the sonogram because part of you overwhelmingly wants to be done so you can go pee, but mostly you just want to lie there and enjoy watching this miraculous life hang out inside your uterus! I had to keep restraining myself from laughing because it made the screen bounce, but it was so surreal I couldn't help it!

















I looooove this profile shot. You can see the outline of his/her tiny button nose and lips. In this picture he/she looks like it's giving the "hang ten" sign! It was so unbelievable to watch the baby move around so much and not be able to feel a thing. They say you normally start to feel movement anywhere between 18-20 weeks, though some have said they've felt it earlier.

My next appointment is on October 30, two weeks from today, at which time the doctor will schedule the next ultrasound - where we should hopefully be able to find out the sex! My brother and his wife are about a month ahead of me on their 2nd pregnancy. They found out just yesterday that they are having a BOY. So the pressure is on because Jeromy wants a boy. I'll happily take either, but I really think it's a girl. We'll see in the next few weeks!!

Thanks for sharing our joy with us! I'll go back and post the initial thoughts I typed up the day after I found out I was pregnant and how I told my husband and all that fun stuff. And hopefully I won't continue to be such a stranger on the blog now that the secret's out! You were probably wondering if all this girl is ever going to post is recipes! Well, I can't promise no more recipes since we are, after all, in midst comfort food season! But I'll also try my hardest to write about other things besides just the baby!