praying for you

I often have a hard time coming up with the right words to encourage someone who is hurting. I feel my words are never meaningful enough, or that they sound cliche, and I always want to do so much more than offer my love and prayer. I wish I could say I've "been there", that I know what they are going through, but I really can't because everyone's pain is entirely different. So I normally just feel at a loss.

Well, just I learned for the first time in my life that all those words I have spoken to many individuals over the years really have mattered. I now know without a doubt that they were heard and that they made more of a difference in those people's lives than I ever would have guessed.

The words of support and encouragement I have received over the last few days have been priceless. I'm sure many who heard about my dad feel the same as I, that their words are meager and trite, and lost among similar sentiments of others. If that is true of anyone, they couldn't be more wrong. Every single word offered has touched me both deeply and uniquely. To know that prayers are being lifted for my family in places all across the country (from Colorado, to Maryland, to Florida, to Hawaii!!!) has in itself sustained me. Words like "praying for you" might sound repetitive (as I've often thought, having numerously used that phrase) but I tell you, each word renews my hope and reminds me of God's mercy. You all remind me that my family is far from alone in this and that the Body still comes through for its weakened, ailing limb.

I will no longer feel discouraged the next time all I can think of to say is "I am sorry. I will pray for you. I am here for you." These are the words our human hearts really need to hear the most. I am grateful for everyone who has reached out to us in this way, both those who have voiced their support and those who simply and quietly pray. God will continue to use both to get us through this time.

I do not know what the week in Minnesota will look like. I wish this could be a pleasure trip, especially since I only get out there once or twice a year. But this trip is not for me. I know that my dad needs people around him as much as possible to keep his spirits up and to offer encouragement that he can draw from on occasions when he is left alone to his thoughts. He is still very down, often wondering what the future will hold. And that is very natural, yet everyone is trying to get him to focus on today and not tomorrow. We all need to live this way, and hopefully he will begin to understand that. We can't skirt the circumstances or pretend the cancer doesn't exist, but we can at least continue to point him to his hope in Christ.

We would like to get John Piper's "The Blazing Center" DVD series to hopefully foster the eternal perspective he so desperately needs. I know that "stuff" we give him won't heal his body. All we can do is encourage him with hope in Christ.

Today I talked to my dad on the phone for the first time since he went into the hospital. The phone is difficult for me. I didn't know what to say, and I heard myself saying, "uh-huh" a lot. He didn't talk much either. He definitely sounded weak and almost delirious. I could tell he is still in shock over the whole thing. I really didn't want to talk to him over the phone. It's just not the same as being there, especially since I knew I would freeze up like I did. But my mom asked if I wanted to talk to him while she was next to him so I had no choice. "Do you want to talk to your dad? Huh???" What was I supposed to say? No?

I have been an emotional roller coaster over the last 48 hours. I have to tell myself not to think about my dad all the time or I wouldn't be able to function. On the other hand, I don't want to go about life as though nothing is happening. I'm just torn, and every other minute my frame of mine is different. I realize that I need to keep on living, just like my dad needs to, but it's not easy to do both. At times I don't feel I have the right to laugh, or watch a fun movie, or eat a yummy dessert. I'm not supposed to be doing those things - my dad is sick! And yet I know I it is probably the best thing for me to especially enjoy these things because I have to live with hope too. I can't tell my dad to do one thing and than I do another. I can't take his pain for him by living in doom and gloom. I need to set the example.

But...but...but...regardless of any encouragement we give him, reality continues to stand that my father has terminal cancer. What does one DO with that??????